Friday, 19 February 2010
Sometimes u need to take ur eye glasses off!
U need to see a hazy world with no data appearing in ur brain center. Trust me, this data gets sooner or later accumulated around every corner of ur sub-conscious, and u start repressing!
Sometimes u just say "ENOUGH" throwing up nightmares every night!
"ENOUGH" haunting what u don't have!
What happens when u take off ur glasses is not only an acceptance of a hazy vision, but also a kind of relaxing headache, u don't hear properly, quite off balance, calm because u're a bit hesitant but steady because u don't want to fall.
A state of "Don't focus because the headache will increase".
Close ur eyes from time to time...By practice u will start checking ur inner core as it's the only available aquarium for u to see clearly when u close ur eyes!
What used to be is that U were always concerned of what's happening around u and how u want things to happen...& usually the two aspects will never intermingle...& u will end up frustrated!
But in a hazy world, u can't focus on the people around u, u can't pay attention to their actions, u just stop gathering information and reading tarot by candle light.
With no eye glasses, U trust only the eyes of God!
Ur sudden reactions will be delayed...ur pace will get slower...u will become more quiet in a noticeable way, will start ironing ur clothes, making ur bed & praying in time.
Ur sub-conscious will bother u at night, but u will wake up silently as if nothing was irritating u a couple of hours ago...Nothing stays the same forever!
I'm a person who lacks Nostalgia...who misses nothing of a past influence...Who regrets nothing that made me cry!
It goes like this: U have Now and U have Tomorrow...and U have a "shift+delete" icon stuck in the back of ur thoughts' sack (aka: ur brain)...if u didn't clean ur mess up this moment, one day u'll be kicked in the bin of life for good!
I, honourably, had been stuck with losers since the moment My Mischievous Brain started kicking it's way out of destiny's uterus (that's me using figurative language)...& I, honourably, had been destroying certain beautiful gifts that was granted to me since the break of My dawn...But, I realised at this historical moment ,which I think only one person, with a name of bitterness, would understand it, that the hard part is not in taking off ur glasses, neither by letting go, nor by making a certain decision BUT the hardest part lays in believing in the sound of ur prayer and having faith that u will be granted patience for a beautiful tomorrow.
Sometimes U have to take off ur eye glasses to have a clearer vision!
Sometimes U have to take them off just to take a glimpse of such tiny details that were all the time so close to u but u missed them trying to fetch what long sight vainly promised u!
After taking off my Eye Glasses, I would like to dedicate some Thank You's to certain Pop ups & Long ago's that have been with me since I don't when!
Thank You Persistence for keeping me on my feet all this time!
Thank You Masochism for teaching me that wisdom is silently painful
Thank You Friendship for proving that I'm loved (especially Mary-Summer-Isho-Nad-Niha-Sigi ur words & laughter r always echoing in my ears lately)
Thank You My Family & sister for loving me to the maximum even when I lock myself in my room all day
Thank You Palahniuk for teaching me that salvation hides in the last places I'll ever want to look
Thank You Miriam for being my ultimate soul mate for all these years
Thank You Courage for teaching me that Faith & Patience always walk hand in hand
Thank You "My Dream" for passing me like a ghost holding me still to think of what I've never thought was possible!
Thank You My Lord for the thought of creating me, for watching over me, for waiting on me, for blessing me, for staying with me when all the above will one day leave me...Thank You for loving me that much!
© Moon 2010
Thursday, 11 February 2010
Porcelain Bathroom floor
mirrors on the ceiling
U're beautiful..U know it
let ur hair down
Give me red lips
Give me enchantment
touch ur teeth with ur tongue...look me straight in the eye
hold ur neck high
Give me seduction
touch ur lips with ur finger tips...show me red nail polish
bite ur lips
flip ur hair the other side
Give me Passion
Give me Basic instincts
Give me Self adoration
stretch ur thighs
turn ur neck around
check ur high heels
Give me Sexiness
Give me Desire
look urself in the mirror
look urself in the eye
Give me shock
Give me tears
lean on the wall
slip on the floor
feel the coldness crashing u to the bones
hit the bottom
Give me fear
Give me loneliness
Give me self-disgust
Wipe ur smoky eyes with ur hands
pick ur skin with ur nails
hit ur head back to the wall
Give me dissatisfaction
Give me blood
raise ur head up high
check ur pathetic hideous little bony figure in the ceiling mirror
feel the shiver down ur bone marrow
clinch ur teeth
Give me Depression
Give me suffocation
close ur eyes
rest ur head on the floor
hug urself to sleep
Give me cold sweat
Give me nightmares
Give me silence
Give me a BREAK
(Thnx Palahniuk for inspiring me through ur Invisible Monsters)
© Moon 2010
Sunday, 7 February 2010
She's dusty and a little bit rusty
With no mirrors in her bedroom...She wears furry slippers and falls in love with serial killers
she eats 12 pieces of sushi in a row and drinks 5 cups of milk a day
she reads psychoanalytical fiction that clings around ur brain with a taste of blood
she won't like u if u loved her first but she would fall for u if u didn't love her back
she's the owl of every wrong fairy tale
The sleeping beauty of every horror movie...falling in love with villains
she's the one with the mysterious aura
who stays awake all night
The adult who brushes her teeth with a baby tooth brush
She's the childish seducer who would enchant u with her innocent smile and despises u for the rest of her life for giving in to her feminine nature
The one who sleeps with a three angels' picture above her head and an ugly gnome portrait right in front of her bed
The one who doesn't like flowers because they die quickly leaving no legacy behind to be remembered for
The one who always sees herself as the "fool" in a tarot deck
The one with the 3 swinging moods...dark, bright and being just stuck between the two moods makes her eclipse around her axis with nowhere to go and nothing to do but suffocate
The Moon-Light Rex
The pathetic little princess which is stuck in the dreams of every wishing frog
© Moon 2010
Monday, 18 January 2010
Before reading this..go back to ur bedroom mirror and check if it's inverted up side down or right side up!
That's the trick!
The note that u're all waiting for won't have an effect if u didn't bother urself to check ur bedroom mirror.
Allow me to tell u what u just saw while checking or pretending to check in order to go on with the note and get to the point :)
You saw You...Yourself
The Lacanian Mirror theory (according to Lacan..google him for ur own info lol) says that u have just seen ur perfect image
exactly...that's why when u face the mirror, u keep moving and chasing urself
fixing ur hair
checking ur body..lost weight...gained weight
gel or no gel
We spend hours in front of the mirror just to reach the perfection mode...! We reach the moment when we find ourselves singing Queen, "I am immortal, I have inside me blood of kings...I have no rivals, no man can be my equal".
Just as the rhythm fades away...one more look and u scream out:
I LOOK LIKE CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!
colours r not fitting
head scarf is not done right
my jeans is not tight enough
beard needs shaving
yeah it's a boy/girl thing...it's human nature
Hesitation comes from within...not from ur image in the mirror. Ever thought of reading or watching the Hunchback of Notre Dame!
It's very allegorical...we all have the beautiful gypsy Esmeralda or the handsome Pheobus in our mirrors, but we all hide our Quasimodo, the ugly featured hunchback, deep within!
Loved by all the wrong people...because they all look at ur pretty outside, neglecting the shit u're concentrating on inside. U wish upon a star but when u reach out to grab it...U step back...u dare not touch it, u're a 100 pure Hunchbacked Quasimodo, free from all fake self-confidence juckies!
U feel ur inferiority!
This inferiority that lingers around all the dusty surfaces of ur psyche!..U cave in, because u're scared to risk...u tie ur hair...FEAR!
Rejecting ur fearful situation...u start building walls...creating a case out of urself...out lifting the tragic hero that sleeps in the moors of ur rusty soul!
start destroying urself
complicating ur sub-conscious with those hideous traumas of "I'm always stuck in shit"
The pleasure of self-destruction
It's a talent by the way..like when u drag urself to hell till u vomit..u vomit simply to tell all about it..U want to believe it's serious...it's worth it..u're hitting the bottom...U R A CASE
To scream out in ur friends and parents' faces, "U'll never feel what I feel..u don't know what it means to lose control"
Yeah..I AM THE QUEEN/KING OF MENTAL DISFUNCTION
Get a grip...drink some coffee...we're all lonely and frustrated
All I need to tell u ladies and gentlemen is that I believe myself to be both the Beauty and the Beast...yeah...it's a package, two in one...By the way, it's a package for life..so take it or TAKE IT
That was simply a 180 degree angle...now start re-inverting the mirror
gel or no gel
checking ur body..lost weight...gained weight
Fixing ur hair
Welcome home..that's 360 degree angle...now go back to ur bedroom, invert ur mirror, drink some coffee, eat some sushi and forget it all ;)
Saturday, 2 January 2010
(Capitals refer Either to God or Conversations with God)
Some years I couldn’t sleep and when I slept I faced them everywhere...nightmares haunting my hesitant mind!!
I loved this period...I had some active conscience!
But since I may die tomorrow...I would love to confess today!!
Now I sleep...and I dream...can’t remember what I dream...even my subconscious stopped caring... I repress and then I suppress and then I spit them out at night...and then I wake up washing my face with my Sea Weed Body Shop facial wash! Smells so clean and fresh! I hide it all...COZ GOD IS LOVE
I eat...I drink...I pee...i flush!can’t remember how many times I wanted to thank him for feeding me but I forgot coz I was so hungry..Or maybe I was in a hurry...or maybe it became a habbit...BUT I STILL BELIEVE THAT GOD IS LOVE
I walk...i work...i gossip...i laugh with them... then I laugh at them...then I go home and repress the guilt and disgust..I order pizza hut...i watch a movie and celebrate my social hypocrisy! AND STILL I BELIEVE THAT GOD IS LOVE
I was a teen...now am an adult...am single...with no love life...frustrations surround me in every couple holding hands...in every meeting lips...In all entwining bodies…I close my eyes..I fantasize …then I go and pray…He must forgive me…SINCE HE IS LOVE
I envy her beauty…her long beautiful hair...i know am smarter...still I don’t care...He preferred her to me...or why wouldn’t I be her...or maybe better...or maybe the best…BUT still I accept me…and I would love to stay ME!!...I understand me and that’s what I want to be…and still I kiss her...i hug her...i wipe away her tears...she smells beautiful…I love her..But still I don’t care…enough HE created me…this means HE loves me...HE SAID HE IS LOVE
My parents...i love them...they love me...they care…they just don’t understand me...i face them…they dare me…I beg them…I am tired…I just can’t bridge the gap…I suffocate…I lie..I leave…they phone...i lie again…they twist their tone…I Swear HIS name…they believe me...or pretend to…not quite sure…they hang up…I exhale…U know U must forgive me…THAT’S WHY YOU ARE LOVE
I con them...i pray...i go up and then down...i stand up...i go to my room...i take off the veil...or shall I say the mask..I'm lonely...i was not talking to him...i did not pray...HE is watching...I pretend HE's not...and then I change the subject…till I go to bed…and wake up to wash my face with Sea Weed BodyShop Facial wash…HE doesn't deserve those cold signals coming out of my paralyzed mind…FOR HE IS LOVE
I open my sketch...i stick your pictures and then I paint red and blue...you don't know...you don't care...but I will still stick them and I will still paint...You are alone...ME TOO...I suffocate..AGAIN...I write...HE watches...I retreat to bed...I sleep...HE watches over me...BECAUSE AFTER ALL HE IS LOVE
I KNOW YOU ARE LOVE... I KNOW YOU CAN FORGIVE...I KNOW YOU ARE WAITING...BUT I AM SICK OF MY FAKE PROMISES... (and since I love YOU)…THIS TIME I CHOOSE TO STAY SILENT..TILL THE SIN, LUST, GREED, LIES, HYPOCRISY, ENVY, PRIDE, TEMPTATION & SHAME …just fade away!!!
Feel free to spit out any vice u're keeping..just understand that everyone has his/her own battle to fight!
© Moon 2009