Friday, 19 February 2010

St.Moon's Hazy vision!

Sometimes u need to take ur eye glasses off!

U need to see a hazy world with no data appearing in ur brain center. Trust me, this data gets sooner or later accumulated around every corner of ur sub-conscious, and u start repressing!

Sometimes u just say "ENOUGH" throwing up nightmares every night!

"ENOUGH" haunting what u don't have!

What happens when u take off ur glasses is not only an acceptance of a hazy vision, but also a kind of relaxing headache, u don't hear properly, quite off balance, calm because u're a bit hesitant but steady because u don't want to fall.

A state of "Don't focus because the headache will increase".

Silently Distant!

Close ur eyes from time to time...By practice u will start checking ur inner core as it's the only available aquarium for u to see clearly when u close ur eyes!

What used to be is that U were always concerned of what's happening around u and how u want things to happen...& usually the two aspects will never intermingle...& u will end up frustrated!

But in a hazy world, u can't focus on the people around u, u can't pay attention to their actions, u just stop gathering information and reading tarot by candle light.

With no eye glasses, U trust only the eyes of God!

Ur sudden reactions will be delayed...ur pace will get slower...u will become more quiet in a noticeable way, will start ironing ur clothes, making ur bed & praying in time.

Ur sub-conscious will bother u at night, but u will wake up silently as if nothing was irritating u a couple of hours ago...Nothing stays the same forever!

I'm a person who lacks Nostalgia...who misses nothing of a past influence...Who regrets nothing that made me cry!

It goes like this: U have Now and U have Tomorrow...and U have a "shift+delete" icon stuck in the back of ur thoughts' sack (aka: ur brain)...if u didn't clean ur mess up this moment, one day u'll be kicked in the bin of life for good!

I, honourably, had been stuck with losers since the moment My Mischievous Brain started kicking it's way out of destiny's uterus (that's me using figurative language)...& I, honourably, had been destroying certain beautiful gifts that was granted to me since the break of My dawn...But, I realised at this historical moment ,which I think only one person, with a name of bitterness, would understand it, that the hard part is not in taking off ur glasses, neither by letting go, nor by making a certain decision BUT the hardest part lays in believing in the sound of ur prayer and having faith that u will be granted patience for a beautiful tomorrow.

Sometimes U have to take off ur eye glasses to have a clearer vision!

Sometimes U have to take them off just to take a glimpse of such tiny details that were all the time so close to u but u missed them trying to fetch what long sight vainly promised u!

After taking off my Eye Glasses, I would like to dedicate some Thank You's to certain Pop ups & Long ago's that have been with me since I don't when!

Thank You Persistence for keeping me on my feet all this time!

Thank You Masochism for teaching me that wisdom is silently painful

Thank You Friendship for proving that I'm loved (especially Mary-Summer-Isho-Nad-Niha-Sigi ur words & laughter r always echoing in my ears lately)

Thank You My Family & sister for loving me to the maximum even when I lock myself in my room all day

Thank You Palahniuk for teaching me that salvation hides in the last places I'll ever want to look

Thank You Miriam for being my ultimate soul mate for all these years

Thank You Courage for teaching me that Faith & Patience always walk hand in hand

Thank You "My Dream" for passing me like a ghost holding me still to think of what I've never thought was possible!

Thank You My Lord for the thought of creating me, for watching over me, for waiting on me, for blessing me, for staying with me when all the above will one day leave me...Thank You for loving me that much!

© Moon 2010

Thursday, 11 February 2010

Give me Valentine...FLASH!

Porcelain Bathroom floor
mirrors on the ceiling

U're beautiful..U know it


let ur hair down


Give me red lips

Give me enchantment

touch ur teeth with ur tongue...look me straight in the eye
love me

hold ur neck high

Give me seduction

touch ur lips with ur finger me red nail polish
bite ur lips
chin in
flip ur hair the other side

Give me Passion

Give me Basic instincts

Give me Self adoration

stretch ur thighs
turn ur neck around
look back
check ur high heels

Give me Sexiness

Give me Desire

look urself in the mirror
face urself
look urself in the eye
lose urself

Give me shock

Give me tears

lean on the wall
slip on the floor
feel the coldness crashing u to the bones
hit the bottom

Give me fear

Give me loneliness

Give me self-disgust

Wipe ur smoky eyes with ur hands
pick ur skin with ur nails
hit ur head back to the wall
destroy urself

Give me dissatisfaction

Give me blood

raise ur head up high
check ur pathetic hideous little bony figure in the ceiling mirror
loath urself
feel the shiver down ur bone marrow
clinch ur teeth

Give me Depression

Give me suffocation

Forget everything
close ur eyes
rest ur head on the floor
hug urself to sleep

Give me cold sweat

Give me nightmares

Give me silence

Give me a BREAK

(Thnx Palahniuk for inspiring me through ur Invisible Monsters)

© Moon 2010

Sunday, 7 February 2010

The Frog in me!

She's dusty and a little bit rusty

With no mirrors in her bedroom...She wears furry slippers and falls in love with serial killers

she eats 12 pieces of sushi in a row and drinks 5 cups of milk a day

she reads psychoanalytical fiction that clings around ur brain with a taste of blood

she won't like u if u loved her first but she would fall for u if u didn't love her back

she's the owl of every wrong fairy tale

The sleeping beauty of every horror movie...falling in love with villains

she's the one with the mysterious aura

who stays awake all night

The adult who brushes her teeth with a baby tooth brush

She's the childish seducer who would enchant u with her innocent smile and despises u for the rest of her life for giving in to her feminine nature

The one who sleeps with a three angels' picture above her head and an ugly gnome portrait right in front of her bed

The one who doesn't like flowers because they die quickly leaving no legacy behind to be remembered for

The one who always sees herself as the "fool" in a tarot deck

The one with the 3 swinging moods...dark, bright and being just stuck between the two moods makes her eclipse around her axis with nowhere to go and nothing to do but suffocate

The Moon-Light Rex

The pathetic little princess which is stuck in the dreams of every wishing frog

© Moon 2010

Monday, 18 January 2010

The up right inside out!

Before reading this..go back to ur bedroom mirror and check if it's inverted up side down or right side up!

That's the trick!
The note that u're all waiting for won't have an effect if u didn't bother urself to check ur bedroom mirror.

Allow me to tell u what u just saw while checking or pretending to check in order to go on with the note and get to the point :)

You saw You...Yourself

The Lacanian Mirror theory (according to him for ur own info lol) says that u have just seen ur perfect image

exactly...that's why when u face the mirror, u keep moving and chasing urself

fixing ur hair

checking ur body..lost weight...gained weight

nail polish



lips sticks


gel or no gel




We spend hours in front of the mirror just to reach the perfection mode...! We reach the moment when we find ourselves singing Queen, "I am immortal, I have inside me blood of kings...I have no rivals, no man can be my equal".

Just as the rhythm fades more look and u scream out:

I LOOK LIKE CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!

colours r not fitting

head scarf is not done right

my jeans is not tight enough

hair sucks

beard needs shaving

yeah it's a boy/girl's human nature
Hesitation comes from within...not from ur image in the mirror. Ever thought of reading or watching the Hunchback of Notre Dame!
It's very allegorical...we all have the beautiful gypsy Esmeralda or the handsome Pheobus in our mirrors, but we all hide our Quasimodo, the ugly featured hunchback, deep within!

Loved by all the wrong people...because they all look at ur pretty outside, neglecting the shit u're concentrating on inside. U wish upon a star but when u reach out to grab it...U step back...u dare not touch it, u're a 100 pure Hunchbacked Quasimodo, free from all fake self-confidence juckies!

U feel ur inferiority!

This inferiority that lingers around all the dusty surfaces of ur psyche!..U cave in, because u're scared to risk...u tie ur hair...FEAR!

Rejecting ur fearful situation...u start building walls...creating a case out of urself...out lifting the tragic hero that sleeps in the moors of ur rusty soul!

start destroying urself

complicating ur sub-conscious with those hideous traumas of "I'm always stuck in shit"

The pleasure of self-destruction

It's a talent by the when u drag urself to hell till u vomit..u vomit simply to tell all about it..U want to believe it's's worth it..u're hitting the bottom...U R A CASE

To scream out in ur friends and parents' faces, "U'll never feel what I feel..u don't know what it means to lose control"



Get a grip...drink some coffee...we're all lonely and frustrated

All I need to tell u ladies and gentlemen is that I believe myself to be both the Beauty and the's a package, two in one...By the way, it's a package for take it or TAKE IT

That was simply a 180 degree start re-inverting the mirror




gel or no gel


lips sticks



nail polish

checking ur body..lost weight...gained weight

Fixing ur hair


Welcome home..that's 360 degree go back to ur bedroom, invert ur mirror, drink some coffee, eat some sushi and forget it all ;)

Saturday, 2 January 2010

Confessions of my well-behaved BITCH!!

(Capitals refer Either to God or Conversations with God)

Flash Back!!
Some years I couldn’t sleep and when I slept I faced them everywhere...nightmares haunting my hesitant mind!!
I loved this period...I had some active conscience!

But since I may die tomorrow...I would love to confess today!!
Now I sleep...and I dream...can’t remember what I dream...even my subconscious stopped caring... I repress and then I suppress and then I spit them out at night...and then I wake up washing my face with my Sea Weed Body Shop facial wash! Smells so clean and fresh! I hide it all...COZ GOD IS LOVE

I eat...I drink...I pee...i flush!can’t remember how many times I wanted to thank him for feeding me but I forgot coz I was so hungry..Or maybe I was in a hurry...or maybe it became a habbit...BUT I STILL BELIEVE THAT GOD IS LOVE

I walk...i work...i gossip...i laugh with them... then I laugh at them...then I go home and repress the guilt and disgust..I order pizza hut...i watch a movie and celebrate my social hypocrisy! AND STILL I BELIEVE THAT GOD IS LOVE

I was a am an single...with no love life...frustrations surround me in every couple holding every meeting lips...In all entwining bodies…I close my eyes..I fantasize …then I go and pray…He must forgive me…SINCE HE IS LOVE

I envy her beauty…her long beautiful hair...i know am smarter...still I don’t care...He preferred her to me...or why wouldn’t I be her...or maybe better...or maybe the best…BUT still I accept me…and I would love to stay ME!!...I understand me and that’s what I want to be…and still I kiss her...i hug her...i wipe away her tears...she smells beautiful…I love her..But still I don’t care…enough HE created me…this means HE loves me...HE SAID HE IS LOVE

My parents...i love them...they love me...they care…they just don’t understand me...i face them…they dare me…I beg them…I am tired…I just can’t bridge the gap…I suffocate…I lie..I leave…they phone...i lie again…they twist their tone…I Swear HIS name…they believe me...or pretend to…not quite sure…they hang up…I exhale…U know U must forgive me…THAT’S WHY YOU ARE LOVE

I con them...i pray...i go up and then down...i stand up...i go to my room...i take off the veil...or shall I say the mask..I'm lonely...i was not talking to him...i did not pray...HE is watching...I pretend HE's not...and then I change the subject…till I go to bed…and wake up to wash my face with Sea Weed BodyShop Facial wash…HE doesn't deserve those cold signals coming out of my paralyzed mind…FOR HE IS LOVE

I open my sketch...i stick your pictures and then I paint red and don't don't care...but I will still stick them and I will still paint...You are alone...ME TOO...I suffocate..AGAIN...I write...HE watches...I retreat to bed...I sleep...HE watches over me...BECAUSE AFTER ALL HE IS LOVE


Feel free to spit out any vice u're keeping..just understand that everyone has his/her own battle to fight!

© Moon 2009

Monday, 28 December 2009

The Ragabash!

The secret of being isolated

The contradiction between being extremely sociable from the outside and extremely isolated from the inside

The unbearable fact of being unpredictable

Nervously Calm!

The Ragabash

Born on a dark night...The Ragabash is the new moon

New mooners live their lives astonished by the light they missed on a full moon night

The new moon phase is the weakest of the phases yet the most mysterious in action..u can never be sure that what a new mooner says is the same as what he/she feels inside.

They are capable of keeping their distance

Attracting people in their shadows

Guiding and Misguiding

A new moon is much more fearsome than a full one...It is scary to think that the whole block of rocks exists in the dark but ur eyes still can't catch a glimpse of it

To be there and not there at the same time!

To engrave what u can't hide what u can't merely reflect!

I lived my life with phases...eclipsing and shining...or u can say reflecting emotions...depends on the situation!

Happy moments and clenching stomach feelings rarely show up...It has all been a mere reflection of what the moment brings u :)

I always cared more for what I hide than what I show and I must admit I still do care more for what people do not know!

My sun was in Capricorn...a lame goat

ambitious..always reaching high..trudging mountains


My Moon was in Sagittarius...the archer

Well, apparently, my moon is much stronger than my sun ...It is said that u work ur way towards ur sun qualities but u r already born with ur moon ones

The archer always hunts the goat

My archer is versatile, adaptable, confident and optimistic

They say HOPEFUL! (nice!)

Humorous and knowledge seeker...above all, adventurous!!

Hell! yeah a new moon is always a knowledge seeker...imagine how many discoveries u may meet on the road to darkness!...If u do not fear the dark, surely u can out live ur adventure!

I was never a light lover...Candles hold a wide place in my life...soft lights understands my mood swings rather than neon lights!

New moon resembles the beginning of a cycle
A cycle that will develop step by step till it shines with the reflection of what it has learned through out the years

New mooners are born weak and mysterious in a dark night and they die when they've completed their cycle.

New mooners fight their way through the darkness till they wax their crescent with ambition and grace. They reach their first quarter with the chill of youthfulness glittering in their eyes. Their over confidence assures their steps towards becoming a waxing gibbous. The Ragabash is now an Ahroun. A full moon that finally reached the light it was banned from seeing on the night it was born.

And then the time slips from beneath its rocks and it starts waning till it fades anew!

Opinionated and Indulgent

U can never force a new moon to reflect the light it can't see...and when it sleeps away in the darkness of the universe...dare not wake what u can't see!

A garou or a wolf gang do not dare trust a tactless, careless ragabash wolf, which is a wolf born on new moon night...though they are seduced by its charms

Natural seducer

I fear the subconscious
My Mind is always awake


High sense of smelling!


A new moon is feared because it stands between the earth and the holds back the light...It reflects the gloominess of a world the universe dare not approach.

A new moon holds a real face of a rocky surface...a surface that the world would only care to believe in except through the projected sun light...through a fake light!

Strange enough that I was always called Moon only by my dad...The one I was never close too...The one I resemble the most...Even in my lack of Nostalgia!

I was born on the 7th of a wolf moon (January) on a dark night (Ragabash)

I was the beginning of something, I dare not think how it may end!


Wishing u a howling 2010

© Moon 2009

Friday, 18 December 2009

To the PALAHNIUK in Me! (Praising the Man who taught me how to live)

Most people spend their lives searching for that special someone...I spent a great number of years searching for that special book lol!

I always read what's on the for the picture..check the first page..the edition..!

Two years ago, I took a book of the shelf of a book store and bought it without knowing neither the name of the book nor the name of the author!!!!

Typically NOT ME!

It wasn't like a blind date between me and the book but I was shocked when I came to read it at night and found out it was about a porn queen who wanted to make a top record for all generations with 600 guys in one porn movie!

The book is called Snuff!

The author, who became my tutor for life, is called Chuck Palahniuk!

ok..I know..pronounced Paulanick (for americans)...Palahnyook (for british)...If it's still hard, call him chuck!

Now Please, allow me to Palahniucate ur life for a while ;)

"All the effort in the world won’t matter if you’re not inspired."
— Chuck Palahniuk

Ever asked urself why U ended up resigning from the job that u fucked up ur life just for the sake of proving u can do ur best...U DID UR BEST IN WHAT'S NOT BEST FOR U

well that job didn't resemble never conveyed what u truly are!
Why U broke up..that relationship was already as lousy as shit...his/her existence in ur life was never as passionately inspiring as eating a Kitkat bar!

keep telling urself I did my best!


"The unreal is more powerful than the real. Because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because it’s only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles, wood rots. People, well, they die, but things as fragile as an idea or a thought, they can live forever "
— Chuck Palahniuk

U can go out with ur friends, talk with ur family, study and work all the same, but still what matters at the end is what happens between the walls of ur brain. What u write down in ur diary, what u think of behind ur bedroom's closed door!

What is ur conception of perfection...In real TV, u don't have a perfection manual, it's ur mind that sets the rules of perfection and believe me, it varies from one person to another!

After all, it's ur imagination that rules ur conceptions!


"I spent my life attacking everything because I was too afraid to risk creating anything."
— Chuck Palahniuk

When was the last time u took the risk of provoking a sleeping lion just to experience how would its reaction be?
when was the last time u thought u're incapable of creating or achieving anything because ur not free enough to do so?
when was the last time u blamed ur society or ur country for not giving u the chance of becoming a genius?
BELIEVE ME...u attack society because u're just scared to face it...u're scared to show how different u are!


"People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown."
— Chuck Palahniuk

We are the tragic heroes of our own history books...We all know, by a way or another, that tragic ends spice up our lives rather than silly happy endings...when it's always tragic, this means u're strong, u're enduring...u're sacrificing...U R A HERO!
When u're complicated...u're different...u're tragically superior...u will be acknowledged as the sacrificing hero after u die!

People will praise ur death on Facebook groups!


"You’re a different human being to everybody you meet."
— Chuck Palahniuk

Believe it or not, everyone who sees u for the first time will end up with a different point of view after a couple of meetings with u...and every new person who meets u conceives u as a different block of qualities!

U r only ONE person to urself...but a million different persons to all the others!

u r only You when u r with u!...the rest just magnify what concerns them in u and throw the rest in the bin.


"You grow up to become living proof of your parent’s limitations. Their less-than-masterpiece."
— Chuck Palahniuk

We are trained not to think, not to try anything new...and if we want to, we have to do it behind closed doors.
If u were born on a certain religion and u would like to read a holy book of another religion, u can't do it at home..ur parents would never understand!
U have to find somewhere else behind their backs to enlighten urself religiously (even if u're not planning to convert)
movies, magazines, phone calls...u prefer taking care of these thing in ur room..alone..away from their eyes!

Ur parents end up wanting u to become a youthful version of their decaying youth!

And u end up as complicated as a cat stuck in a water pipe!!!


"If you can change the way people think. The way they see themselves. The way they see the world. You can change the way people live their lives. That’s the only lasting thing you can create."
— Chuck Palahniuk

Why do people always state how they feel in their notes..I mean why can't we just try to express our own view point of life instead of lamenting our dead cold suffocating passions!
Why don't we express our deepest opinions about every aspect in life...ok, what about inventing our own theories...helping each other to respect what we don't believe in!
Why can't we share the ATTITUDE!

It won't take half an hour to write down an idea that changed ur life..when u post it have faith it may change another life!..even if it was a line from a song!


"Some people are just born human. The rest of us, we take a lifetime to get there."
— Chuck Palahniuk

Do not think it's an easy thing being a human being...we've been granted things to use:

If u couldn't use ur brain to create what would last after u're gone then tuck ur head in ur dirty socks and cry urself to death in ur closet!

if u couldn't use ur hands to paint or write or invent something...then chain ur hands in ur ceiling lamp and wait till the heat eat ur brain!

if u couldn't work ur legs to new places that helped u explore God's universe then lay as a tarot's hanged man in ur fridge until u rot!

if u think u're not capable of proving how humane u r..then go to hell!


"Not everybody enjoys baseball or even fishing, but every person is obsessed with himself. You are your own favorite hobby. You’re an expert on you."
— Chuck Palahniuk

U r a liar if u say u're not!
We are all obsessed about what we wear, how we look, what we think about, how to prove that we are better, how to kidnap the attention when we step in a room, how to prove we're beautiful, or complicated, or lunatics, how careless we are, how dashing, how daring, how sensitive, how loving, how cute or sexy, veiled or showing our hair, lipsticks or no lipsticks, muscles or sense of humour, looks or brains!

We are our own Angels and Demons!


"You will always have some excuse not to live your life."
— Chuck Palahniuk

My parents..controlling every breath I take
My society..blocking my freedom of thought
My not giving me the chance to become the genius I was meant to be
The patriarchal mentality is not appreciating my freedom as a woman
The patriarchal mentality is not showing its capability towards my needs as a woman
The matriarchal mentality is so silly and stubborn towards my authority as a man
The school is not's not like Europe
The collage is lousy, we're not educated like Europe
The working field is crappy as shit..They fuck the shit out of me and am not paid well
I can't find a job that suits me
I don't have time to socialise, am always working
I can't find a job, am always sitting at home or in cafes
I want to get married but I can't find someone who understands me
I don't want to get married because i don't want to lose my freedom
I want a relationship but I fear commitment
I want a divorce
I want kids
I don't want kids



"Find good in what the world says is evil."
— Chuck Palahniuk

Try for once when u watch a movie, to concentrate on the villain instead of the hero. Try to focus on the other one, the bad not the good, the monster of Frankenstein!
Try to see what made Hannibal Lectar Hannibal Lectar!
Try to pay attention to ur demon...check his point of view...not all demons tell us to smoke or drink or steal..some push us toward sadistic turn overs we never thought we have!

People may condemn Hitler for his racism but I have to praise his nationalism..I would love to love my Country the way he loved his country!
I may cheer for Churchill for saying "never never never give up"

Dare to touch the untouchable!


Thank u Chuck, for u have taught me what made me who I am right now!

....and u're still teaching me!

I will always be a faithful Palahniuaholic until death do us apart!

Chuck Palahniuk is the author of:

1.Fight Club
3.Invisible monsters
10.Tell All
12.Stranger than fiction

© Moon 2009