Confessions of my well-behaved BITCH!!

(Capitals refer Either to God or Conversations with God)

Flash Back!!
Some years I couldn’t sleep and when I slept I faced them everywhere...nightmares haunting my hesitant mind!!
I loved this period...I had some active conscience!

But since I may die tomorrow...I would love to confess today!!
Now I sleep...and I dream...can’t remember what I dream...even my subconscious stopped caring... I repress and then I suppress and then I spit them out at night...and then I wake up washing my face with my Sea Weed Body Shop facial wash! Smells so clean and fresh! I hide it all...COZ GOD IS LOVE

I eat...I drink...I pee...i flush!can’t remember how many times I wanted to thank him for feeding me but I forgot coz I was so hungry..Or maybe I was in a hurry...or maybe it became a habbit...BUT I STILL BELIEVE THAT GOD IS LOVE

I walk...i work...i gossip...i laugh with them... then I laugh at them...then I go home and repress the guilt and disgust..I order pizza hut...i watch a movie and celebrate my social hypocrisy! AND STILL I BELIEVE THAT GOD IS LOVE

I was a teen...now am an adult...am single...with no love life...frustrations surround me in every couple holding hands...in every meeting lips...In all entwining bodies…I close my eyes..I fantasize …then I go and pray…He must forgive me…SINCE HE IS LOVE

I envy her beauty…her long beautiful hair...i know am smarter...still I don’t care...He preferred her to me...or why wouldn’t I be her...or maybe better...or maybe the best…BUT still I accept me…and I would love to stay ME!!...I understand me and that’s what I want to be…and still I kiss her...i hug her...i wipe away her tears...she smells beautiful…I love her..But still I don’t care…enough HE created me…this means HE loves me...HE SAID HE IS LOVE

My parents...i love them...they love me...they care…they just don’t understand me...i face them…they dare me…I beg them…I am tired…I just can’t bridge the gap…I suffocate…I lie..I leave…they phone...i lie again…they twist their tone…I Swear HIS name…they believe me...or pretend to…not quite sure…they hang up…I exhale…U know U must forgive me…THAT’S WHY YOU ARE LOVE

I con them...i pray...i go up and then down...i stand up...i go to my room...i take off the veil...or shall I say the mask..I'm lonely...i was not talking to him...i did not pray...HE is watching...I pretend HE's not...and then I change the subject…till I go to bed…and wake up to wash my face with Sea Weed BodyShop Facial wash…HE doesn't deserve those cold signals coming out of my paralyzed mind…FOR HE IS LOVE

I open my sketch...i stick your pictures and then I paint red and blue...you don't know...you don't care...but I will still stick them and I will still paint...You are alone...ME TOO...I suffocate..AGAIN...I write...HE watches...I retreat to bed...I sleep...HE watches over me...BECAUSE AFTER ALL HE IS LOVE


I KNOW YOU ARE LOVE... I KNOW YOU CAN FORGIVE...I KNOW YOU ARE WAITING...BUT I AM SICK OF MY FAKE PROMISES... (and since I love YOU)…THIS TIME I CHOOSE TO STAY SILENT..TILL THE SIN, LUST, GREED, LIES, HYPOCRISY, ENVY, PRIDE, TEMPTATION & SHAME …just fade away!!!

P.S.
Feel free to spit out any vice u're keeping..just understand that everyone has his/her own battle to fight!

© Moon 2009